Bitter "Sweet 16"

I remember my 16th birthday party, a small family gathering in a big beautiful house in Fresno.  At 16, I was awkward and shy, and in the final month of my sophomore year. Friendly, but isolated. Melancholy, but hopeful; impatient and waiting... waiting for my dreams, waiting for my first driver's license and my first love; waiting to use the backseat of my hand-me-down 1972 Chevrolet Monte Carlo. Taylor Swift could have written a song about a kid like me.

Sweet 16, and Clueless.

Wednesday, I returned to Fresno for a different sweet sixteen celebration. Zachary Reynolds Armistead would have turned sixteen on September 23, 2009. He died last December while doing what he loved most -- riding his skateboard. His mother, Kim, is raising money for the Rotary Skatepark, where Zachary spent much of his time. For Zachary skating was a way of life. Skating was a lifestyle, a sport, and his preferred transportation. He was special, in the way that most kids are special. He loved his older brother who is overseas in the military. Zachary loved his family and friends, and he loved American made trucks. (Chevy or Ford, I forget which one; I will let Taylor sort that out.) And he loved his girlfriend, who he planned to drive around in the Jeep he was fixing. While there was much he did not experience, at least he experienced first love.

Many parents wonder what we would do in Kim's situation. Fortunately, most will only wonder. But we can learn about grief from Kim and parents in similar situations. By acknowledging the permanence of loss (and love), we can celebrate life. There is not a correct way to grieve, nor a correct way to prepare for the inevitable pain that comes with loss. Some things just hurt. Yet, people find ways to survive despite suffering tremendous loss.

"... and when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall."

If the weather is just right, (cold and foggy), or if the right song is on the radio, I can remember my first love. We met when I was 16. We believed that with love, everything was possible, and that Romeo and Juliet would live happily ever after. And I still remember my first heart ache, the week before I turned 17. The pain was as pure as the joy. Nothing could have prepared me for either experience. Nothing could have explained to the 16 year old how fortunate the 41 year old would feel, even for the heartache. Not even my own Taylor Swift song.

 

Zachary Armistead's 16th Birthday - Images by bryan farley

Comments

[Kimberley Libecki, Zachary Reynolds Armistead's mother (9/23/93 - 12/2/08 and eternity)]

Once again your talent for capturing the essence of an event with your photos and articulating the emotions with words amazes me. You've given so much to my friends and family with what seems to be so little effort...but I know you work very hard, which is why it appears so simple to the lay person. I enjoy your blogs and cherish your friendship. Thank you for adding your special touch to Zach's birthday celebration. He may have been taken from our world prematurely and without warning, but September 23rd will always be his special day.

[Alysha Rice]

oh my goodness :) i was there!:D
we love you zach<3
and i love kim:)

[Gina Baker]

Everyone loves and misses you zach :)

[bryan farley]

Thank you Gina for your post. If you get a chance to read the February Fresno Magazine, there will be a really good story about the Mothers of Angels group.

bf

[Natalee]

I have to say that I miss that kid..a lot. I wish I could of been there to spend this day with Kim.The pictures are great as are the ones of the Mothers of Angels :)

[bryan farley]

Thank you for reading and posting Natalee. If you haven't seen this more recent post:

http://www.morethankids.com/2011/02/fresno-magazine-and-mothers-of-angels.html